Showing posts with label Danny Douxis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Danny Douxis. Show all posts

Monday, January 5, 2015

Episode 87 | Just another ordinary day






"That was supposed to be just another ordinary day." It would be typical from my father, if he might not remember what year it was. I needed not ask, for I knew it perfectly well -- 1988. I was thirteen years old. "But it became a memorable morning in my life." I couldn't agree more, as Carlo began reminiscing.


"I was feeling lazy, and I did not want to leave the house. But I had so many errands to do in town... go to the post, pay bills, shop for groceries... I usually got bored doing them, and talking to people did not entice me much. But I did enjoy driving my sports car around, and those ordinary things were actually the only justification I had to go out. Otherwise, I'd rather stay in my studio, painting all day long. Sometimes, I wish I were back at my hermitage... the abandoned factory in Paris." Carlo smiled tenderly. As if approaching the past with great care, he spoke very slowly.

He sat at the edge of the sofa, though, and I could see he was not comfortable within himself, and the memories he was about to evoke. The Dark Room was also getting warmer, from our prolonged permanence in it without air conditioning. In other circumstances I might have worried about my paintings, but at that moment, I just hoped Carlo didn't suffer from low blood pressure or something. He looked old, but also healthy, and determined to finally share with me about the day he had left home.  






"I was in the shower," Carlo recalled, "when the phone started ringing insistently. Worried it might be something important or urgent, I ran downstairs and picked the receiver, if just to silence it."

"Carlo! Get out of the house! NOW!" Catherine sounded very agitated.

"What's happened, Catherine?" I could sense her urgency, and I immediately knew the dreaded moment had arrived.

"They are coming after you!" She was screaming, and I could hear her high heels hitting the pavement on the other side of the line. Catherine must be walking very fast, almost running, as if she was the one being chased. "An order for arrest and imprisonment has been issued against you! They might be on their way, already. You have to leave! NOW!"








I gasped. "Arrested, Carlo?" After I spoke, I had to dry my mouth with the back of my hand, because like a child I had drooled. "What for?" It was surprising and confusing. I hadn't expected anything like that. And I could not imagine my father revealing that, after all, he was a drug dealer, or a mafioso. Nor that he had murdered someone.  He probably just didn't have a valid passport or something like that.







"Tax defrauding." My father spoke so low that I felt like approaching him, going to sit by his side on the sofa. But I could not move, afraid of the abyss that still opened its gargantuan mouth between us. "From the very first time, when I had sent the paintings over to Davez in London, I had failed to declare and pay taxes. I confess that, having been so poor, and a simpleton like your mother liked to point out, I did not even cogitate about things like that. And for our remaining two years in Punaouilo, after Davez launched my career, and then in France, when I got frequent commissions, I continued doing it, since no one had never pointed any problem. I sent my paintings overseas, I received the money -- and to me, that was that."






"When we were in the Apennines, Laurent, visiting Tarso in our ancestral farm, two officers visited Catherine at home. They said they had tried to contact me many times -- but I never got any notification, because I still held Punaouilo as my official address. With the passing of years, the amount I owed ​​to the Tax Authorities had become quite astonishing. Since in the records I had always avoided court, I was not plainly under investigation any longer -- I was to receive exemplary punishment, in an attempt to frighten other offenders."






"Catherine made ​​friends," That's how Carlo would commonly refer to Catherine's lovers, "with one of the officers, and thus the investigation slowed down a little bit. And prolonged, since it was in the young man's interest to have free and justifiable access to our house, as often as possible. Not to investigate anything, of course. The man had been married, and a formal alibi was much appreciated. But because I was a foreigner, my case turned into an international affair and was taken to a different office, where Catherine's friend could not get hold of things anymore."






"That one morning, the 'friendly' officer had learned I was going to be arrested. He phoned Catherine, and she phoned me. I left the house with just my passport and a bag of dirty clothes I had planed to leave at the laundry that afternoon. For hours and hours I drove straight away to the Northern coast, where I crossed to England."







"Italy was closer but I had legal problems there, too, with my Army duties. I had suddenly become a criminal in both countries where I had lived." Carlo sighed, and examined the bruise in his hand, the spot where he had applied a burning frame on his own skin. "And for the second time I saw myself leaving France by sea, with very few belongings. Though, that second time, a car was considerably more valuable than my easel, some 15 years ago."






"I did not think of leaving you a note, Laurent, because I did not have time for considerations. Might I have pondered, it ought have been better to go to jail for one or two nights, maybe a couple of months even, but to have stayed in France to try to solve the problem. But that possibility had been discussed with Catherine, and she did not want to suffer the humiliation of seeing me in jail, she said. She thought you did not deserve it, either, and I had to agree with her."






"How did that happen, Carlo?" I was perplexed. "Why all of a sudden? Did this friend of Catherine denounce you? Or was it... herself?"








"No! Your mother tried to help me!" It seemed odd that Carlo was always so vehemently defending Catherine.  "But someone else might--"

"Who?" I blurted. Though I was actually thinking how Catherine must have helped herself on the young officer, too. It was an interesting diversion for her, who had always preferred artists as lovers -- with the exception of Edoardo, her longest love relationship, who had been a cuoco, an Italian chef.







"Something else, much more wicked, had happenned to me in Punaouilo, Laurent. Remember I told you Danny Douxis, the island's only art dealer, never sold any of my works? I mean, what are just three paintings in almost eight years?! And how he got mad when I had sold them directly to Davez?" Carlo took a deep breath, and catapulted us to the Pacific Ocean. "Will, Joanna's husband, or uncle Will as you'd call him, had already alerted me. We were good mates, and we used to go in the sauna together, almost daily when the owners and guests were not occupying the mansion. His brother worked at Danny's house. I had been curious on who had bought two of my paintings at once... I believe it was in 1978 or 79..." Carlo counted his fingers, like a little boy, and that gesture melted my heart, "...and I know I should remember the date of such an extraordinary event in my otherwise meager career... but when I questioned Danny, he just dismissed me, saying the buyer had demanded secrecy. Well, Will's brother had seen a couple of my paintings at Danny's house... to find out, the next day, the dealer had burned them."

"Burned them!" I gulped, and finally moved closer to my father. I felt like embracing his legs, placing my head on his knees, wishing him to lovingly caress my hair -- like he never had. "Why would he do that?" I didn't remember Douxis, nor ever visiting his gallery in Punaouilo. So much had been kept hidden from me.







"It's inconceivable, right? When Will told me, I had to doubt him, and I guess he was hurt. But when, a couple of years later, another single painting was sold, what I regarded as my best work yet, I asked Will's brother to investigate its destination for me. And he said the painting had never gone elsewhere but Danny Douxis' house... and into his fireplace. Of course I could not confront Danny, because that could have harmed the job of Will's brother. It took me many years to realize the signification of those events. Since I never believed that story, I had almost already forgotten it. Until one day, in London, I met a gentleman who had been to Danny's gallery, while we still lived on the island. And his words were shocking!"

"Unfortunately, I did not buy your painting in Punaouilo, young man. It would certainly have been a good deal. But the dealer disavowed your work, saying it was plain bad, amateurish even, and he would not let me buy it. I insisted, since I thought it a pretty good piece, and wanted to nevertheless acquire it. But the dealer was determined not to sell. An art dealer who doesn't care about money, nor selling the artists he represents? Rather wicked, I thought, but what could I do? I hope Darius is treating you better, here in London.  Yes, I'm sure he is, from the prices he is charging for your works!" And the British gentleman, patting me on the shoulder, had laughed to his tropical holidays best anecdote, while I, being at the center of it, was petrified.







"So I asked for Davez' help. A friend of his, who was an investigator, discovered that, during all those years, Danny Douxis had received sums of money from an account in Switzerland. It could be for any reason, but we believe that Danny was being paid not to sell my paintings." Carlo studied my face to watch my reaction. "He was receiving a salary to boycott me, do you understand it now, Laurent?"







"Mon Dieu..." And, exploding like a flash in my brain, I saw Celeste's astute, white smile full of small teeth in a frame of dark red colored lips. A smile that had fascinated, intrigued and terrorized me, remaining my strongest memory of her. "Was it... my grandmother?"







"Congratulations, Laurent!" Carlo exclaimed, raising his eyebrows, truly haunted. "I confess that I was so very surprised when I found it out... but you don't seem to be. The money was coming from a joint account under the names of Monsieur de Montbelle and Celeste, but that was mainly used by her." Carlo sighed. His burnt hand was hanging limp between his thighs, and I had to refrain from the impulse of kissing it. I had the impression Carlo was a hero, for having survived the joint forces of the Mortinné and the De Montbelle families. "In the last year of his life, Monsieur was senile and could not have made ​​remittances, which leads us to be almost sure that Celeste was the one responsible from them... During all those years, she refused to send money to us in Punaouilo, claiming it was too expensive and complicated. But she had regularly wired it ​​to Danny's account. With the purpose that he did not sell and eventually destroyed my paintings..."






"God! Have you ever told this to Catherine?" The whole scheme was so cunning. I was not surprised that Celeste had ensued it, in order to keep Catherine away from France. Or maybe it had been Monsieur de Montbelle, ultimately imposing his vengeance on my father. Whichever way, it seemed monstrous that we had been kept in a state close to poverty, and my father's talents deliberately downrated, his works being destroyed, to prolong our exile.

"When I found it all out, in London, I finally understood why my paintings were never properly displayed in Douxi's art gallery. But at the time of my discovery, Celeste was already in the early states of demency, and there was no reason to try to confront her. I have actually never met her... you know that, don't you, Laurent? Furthermore, Catherine might have not believed me, despite all the evidence. And above all, I did not want to further indispose Catherine with her mother."







My mind was racing, and I tried to encourage my father's confession. "And do you think it might have been Celeste to report you to the Tax Authorities?" I hadn't known much about my grandmother -- she had always kept us at a distance --, but the impression I had of her did match such slyness.

"I don't know, Laurent." Carlo was not defending Celeste like he would if it were Catherine. But he wasn't accusing her, either. My father seemed incapable of attacking anyone. "Perhaps the process had been running its normal course. And after many years, they just decided to finally act. Maybe it was simple like that, and then it was solely my fault for having been so negligent... And of course, with my escape to England, it looked like I had in fact acted based on ill will."







"And why couldn't you return to France, Carlo?" It was hard to believe that the Tax Authorities and the Police Judiciaire could have separated my father from me for so long. Could a laughable comedy of errors have lasted two decades?

"This was the reason for my sudden flight. But there was something else, that had also been happening for a few years already. In fact, since you and I had arrived in France. You may not remember a gypsy girl who worked at our home for a few months, Jaella... Catherine turned her down, accusing her of stealing some clothes and bijoux."

"I needddy the woerrrrrrrk, madamey!" The girl had cried and begged on her dismissal. aAnd since it had ho effect on Catherine, she was very angry when she had finally gone away.







We had known the girl was pregnant, but Catherine didn't care the least. So I decided to help her. I kept giving her money, even after she had had a son. A lovely baby boy that she named Jair. I thought she was a good girl, but since Catherine disliked her, Jaella only came to our house to receive the money when you and your mother were not at home. 

"Merrrrrrrrrrci beaucouuuuup Carrrrrrrrlu!" The years passed, but her French remained quite simple, and her accent was lovingly musical.







During the weeks you and I were in Italy, Laurent, Jaella reappeared at our house. I had thoroughly forgotten about her, on account of the preparations for our trip. The girl used to call ahead and talk to me to set the day and hour when she could go to my studio. But for the first time she was unable to reach me for several days, and badly needing the money, she decided to show up unannounced. Perhaps fearing that I was trying to dodge her.






"Jaella met Catherine, who thought she had returned to rob us. Catherine ran inside the house to call the police, and Jaella ran after her. With the frightened child in her arms, the girl tried to explain that she had come to receive the money I gave her regularly. What a scene it must have been! And then Catherine -- not simply your mother but mainly the best-seller author --, let her imagination fly and foresaw I could be Jair's father... And when confronted, perhaps guessing this was the greatest idea that she had never had, Jaella decided to confirm the child was mine. Catherine was enraged when she phoned me in the Apennines, accusing me of having a second family. You may remember the serious and tense conversations I had with Tarso during those days, Laurent. A lot was about the threat of losing part of our lands to the National Park, but also on this supposed son I had... Unfortunately, Tarso, just like Catherine, doubted me."







"Do I have a half brother, Carlo?" I almost laughed at the irony of those news. It would not be as tragic as it would be funny. Catherine had a half brother, and throughout life, according to my father, my mother had suffered from feeling relegated as Monsieur de Montbelle's second family. Had my turn arrived? "Did you leave us for that other family, Carlo?"





Saturday, November 15, 2014

Episode 29 | The Sunrise Son


previous episode


A few days went by and didn't lay eyes on Davez, although I had resumed painting the house, giving the finishing touches. Barbara was always at the pool, but I never approached her, and she didn't walk up to me either. Maybe she could feel the tension and extension of my desire for her, but it seemed she didn't nourish any sexual fantasies with a wall painter, no matter how hung, and thus she avoided me.


Just once she told me, showing a bit of happiness and enthusiasm, that Davez had again locked himself in the studio, since that last night he had talked to me. Composing. He would leave the studio for his basic needs only -- and by her languid sigh I imagined that she herself would have been one of his most basic needs.






Years later, I would discover that Davez had come to the island in a renewed attempt to get away from drugs and the depression that made him incapable of composing -- such a long creative hiatus that the music industry had practically forgotten him, if not his glorious past stardom. He himself had become invisible -- a ghost of his former self. Just like me.

"I'm a ghost now" he had told Barbara in one of his worst moods. "Aren't you afraid of ghosts, Schatz? Perhaps you should be afraid of me..." But that had been before, in London. Once in Punaouilo, having met and spoken to me, ghosts had taken on a different aspect and perspective to him.

Barbara, who had never even smoked, and drank only pineapple juice, was his great support at that time. She truly loved and admired him, both as a man and as a musician, and she was happy with his new creative phase, that she perceived as having sprung from me -- and thus she had begun to sympathize with me. But she never failed in treating me like a mere employee, though I wasn't on their payroll, asking me to clean the pool and water the garden. For all matters, they had never even hired me, but I was happy to serve them.






During Davez' period of isolation, I was summoned to the art gallery by Danny Douxis. He treated me more politely than he ever had. I had been recommended to him through the friend of Catherine's mother, who owned the mansion we lived at as a favor. But I felt Douxis was working with me much more because he was interested in the people who had recommended me, and not exactly for the quality of my paintings.






Douxis wanted to know more about my relationship with the rock star, since he was convinced of selling at least one of my paintings to Davez.

"He has some exotic taste! Oh, exotic like the man himself..." Danny moaned and rolled his little eyes, two little green dots on a perfectly round, plum face, thus demonstrating his pleasure. "Remember how I said that your paintings were exotic, Carlino darling? Wasn't I right?" he had clapped his fat hands. "Now, someone who has an exotic taste wants to buy them! See the connection? I had envisioned it, hoho!" And next, for the first time since we had started making business, he asked me to bring more paintings to his gallery. 

But because I had been painting more walls than canvases, I had nothing new to offer him.






However, Davez' interest in my paintings finally did touch me, and I resumed painting with enthusiasm, even though they were all blue, following Danny's trends.

At that time, I had been trying to paint the water as a theme. Especially its reflections, and I used both the swimming pool of our colonial mansion, near to which I kept my easel, as much as the Pacific Ocean just across the street. The glimmer, the shimmer, twinkles and sparkles, the interactions between light and water had become my obsession.






A long time went by without news from Davez and Barbara. Having earned some money, our needs reduced once Catherine and her demands were gone, I could spend several days in a row, dedicated to painting and playing games with you, Laurent.

And just because local society was so reduced outside the high season, and there was always a lot of gossip free flowing, did I learn that the stellar couple remained housed on the island. Apparently, the rock star had swum naked one night -- in fact, he had already left his mansion naked, had crossed the street, swam in the ocean and then came back home. 

Two, three weeks had already passed since I had finished painting their rented mansion, and I thought they had forgotten me.







Then, one afternoon, Barbara called and left a message with Joanna. Davez wanted to see me and my paintings, and they would stop by to visit me that evening.

I had little time to prepare myself, choosing the paintings I liked best and stacking them in the garden -- and to hide you, Laurent, for by no means I wanted the rock star to meet the boy from the song he had composed. I could not imagine what his reactions would be at your intriguing temperament, quiet and centered at six years old, with the presence of an ancient sage and the appearance of an old man, with your white hair. He had flipped at less than that, and I guess I feared he could kidnap you. His attitudes were often beyond comprehension, and I felt I could not trust him.

I did not want to share my son with Davez Drew -- not more than I already had, anyway.






An unforgettable night it was, and in many ways, it would change my life.

I hadn't known yet, but Davez and Barbara had already decided to leave the island, without having remained the three months for which they had rented the house. Nothing against Punaouilo -- the rock star wanted to return to London as soon as possible to start recording with a band the songs he had been composing on the island.






And I had misjudged him. Davez was a very generous man, as I was to discover shortly. 

I now think he came to our house that night with a clear intention, yet unknown to me. I had imagined he also wanted to visit the colonial mansion, one of the oldest buildings on the island, but he squinted and said "Creepy", going straight to the backyard garden where my 'studio' was set.






"Tonight, it's your turn to show me your songs and poetry." he told me upon arrival, unexpectedly hugging me.






That evening, Barbara was looking more beautiful than ever, and she gave me a charming smile, like never before. She looked relaxed and happy -- and she had reasons indeed to feel like it, seeing Davez healthy and active again, all dedicated to his music. And she could be considered successful, too, since all other Davez female companions had only managed to drag him deeper into the hole, and away from his inspiration. 

Barbara would be forever remembered as his savior, the companion of his revival, and in one of the tracks from his legendary album'All things transient', Davez would ask her to record the reading of a long poem about transcendental love, dedicated to herself.






Under the light of the stars, and by a single gas lamp that I had borrowed, emanating a not very poetical but cold, hard light, Davez contemplated at length each of the paintings I showed him. He listened carefully to what I had to say about them, although it may have been not more than its title, if they had had one, and the places where they had been painted. I wasn't very eloquent, I surely didn't feel like I was selling him anything. It was more like as if I was telling him a secret, still reluctantly, for I had come to like him, but not completely trust the rock star. 







That evening, I found out about Davez almost psychic sensitivity, as I proceeded with that little retrospective of my paintings. About one of them, that I had painted in the old abandoned factory, when I was sick and starving, he said "It hurts, man." On the first canvas I had painted in Punaouilo, after having left the Île du Blanchomme with Catherine, he said "It hurts even more." I don't think I have ever found anyone again to feel pain from looking at a painting -- I've seen people cry, I've seen people disgusted, shocked or be touched, but nothing like Davez' feelings.






But it was my most recent water series that made the strongest impression on him. He stared at the first blue canvas before him, and confessed it was giving him goose bumps.

"Ghostly..." was the first word he used. And coming from him, I could understand it was a compliment. "It is a light hole... I'm falling into your painting, man... Hold me..." I had to actually grab him, but his momentary dizziness might have been caused by drinking a bit too much at dinner, for I could smell the whiskey, or perhaps by the uncertain gas lamp light that kept flickering in the garden. I never thought my paintings would affect a person like they hit on the rock star.






"How did you do it, man?" He was breathless. "You have erased the canvases with your painting... Do you know what I mean? Your canvases... They are invisible... transparent... nonexistent..." He was ecstatic. "You've turned the canvas itself into water... No, into light!" He groaned. "Man, how could you do that?! You have transmigrated these canvases! Man! You are a fucking painting god..."






He was elated, and I was astonished. Even more when, after having seen all my paintings, he finally announced that he wanted to buy them. Not from Danny Douxis -- he wanted to acquire them directly from me.

Three from the older ones, and all three from the most recent series, although they were still unfinished. I was surprised, and did not know what price to give him, but figured they should cost less than in Douxis gallery, when Davez could already have inquired for their prices. Thus I gave the rock star a massive discount, based on the percentage the dealer would have taken from me.

And I finally understood his intent for that visit. Even if I had shown him a collection of scribbled napkins, he would have known how to praise them, and would have chosen a few to buy from me. He wanted to reciprocate.






That night, Davez gave me more money than I had ever seen in my entire life. And valuable advice.

"Too cheap, man. Never sell yourself cheap." He had refused my prices, paying many times more than I had asked. "Your art is grand. Never give up." He shook me by the shoulders, as if trying to turn on a machine that had stopped. "You have a great talent. I love it. Really do." He took my head in his hands, and pushed me towards his face. I thought we were going to kiss, but we just stood there, our foreheads touching, as he praised me. "And I can give you twenty times this amount, yet it would never have been enough to thank you. Thank you. But I think I can help you. More. Later. Forever." It was a promise, that I hadn't yet understood. And Davez would honor it, as long as he still lived.






They then told me they had come to say goodbye, and Barbara even kissed my cheek. "Thank you for all." she said, tenderly. 

We would never again be reunited, not the three of us.







Surely enough, Danny Douxis learned about my deal with the rock star. Perhaps he had even seen the paintings being carried away from the mansion where we lived, to be packed and shipped to England. After Davez and Barbara's visit, I still had had a few days to retouch the paintings, but not enough to be satisfied with them. Davez, however, did not consider them unfinished -- he had called them 'brut'.

'"Natural like a rock, man. You're a rock." Again without knowing it, it was as if he was connecting to my mountainous roots. "Like your poetic lines. Simple. Direct." the musician had told me, as if reading my soul, "Do not try to be like the diamond. It would be artificial. It's not you." he had advised me.






Danny was furious with me about the deal that had excluded him, and kicked me out of his gallery, accusing me of being unethical. I tried to explain to him that Davez had chosen some old paintings, which he himself had already seen and despised, and others that were still unfinished.

"Liar! They were blue!" he screamed, "And blue was my idea! You cheater!"

Unfortunately, a year later he had humbly to apologize, trying to have my work placed and selling at his gallery again.

 Because we were to find out, when Davez' album was released, that the musician had chosen one of my blue paintings for the cover. His agent had sent me the copyrights contracts, and I just signed them without reading, thinking I was again helping my famous friend, instead of the opposite. Even nowadays, 'All things transient' is among the best LP covers of the century. I keep getting compliments for that painting from almost thirty years ago. People still send me poems and songs inspired by that painting. As you might have heard, Laurent, it was exactly the painting to be sold for a million bucks, after Davez death.






But what happened at that time, the beginning of the 1980s, was that my work suddenly became known and desirable. Davez, besides mentioning my name in some interviews, always referring to me as a "fucking painting god", had recommended me to a major art dealer in London, Martius Dall. Who, even before the album had been released, and prior to all the visibility that the cover was to give me, had sent a carrier to acquire all my blue series paintings. And so I began being represented in London, and soon after, a gallery in California followed... Since I had no paintings in stock, I was especially commissioned by them, and even received cash in advance... Davez' appreciation of my work changed my life! After his studio in Punaouilo, I never had to paint walls again... Pretty symbolic, don't you think?  But it was your apparition, Laurent, to change his life and my life as well... Do you realize it now? And how the 'Sunrise Son' became a mythical song, even to me?






I was feeling overwhelmed. After my father's story, I promised myself to listen one more time to the song, and even to that album. In the rarities market, I owned the most expensive of all copies, dedicated 'to the Sunrise Son' by Davez Drew himself. Usually, when listening to it I was troubled from the very beginning, with bells ringing at the song's opening, and would even get a headache with the guitar becoming louder and more pungent as the sun was rising... The poem however, was beautiful.

The sweetest seed
to a love so luminous,
The sunrise son.
The resounding silence
of a blessed birth,
The sunrise son


 And like Carlo had given Davez the hint, the poetry had been recorded spoken, and not sung. The words had not been added to the songs as lyrics, which made the album so unique and special.






"Thank you for telling me this story, Carlo..." I was sincerely grateful, and moved. "And I apologize for having lost patience, and being rude at you. But..." An important detail, maybe a fundamental thing, drew my attention during the story. "At some point you said... you left the Île du Blanchomme along with Catherine... Didn't you say that?"

"That's right ..." Carlo replied quietly, averting his gaze to watch the immense moon slowly rising over Vice City.






"But how could she be there with you?" I gulped, swallowing painfully. "Haven't you met in Punaouilo, where I was born?" I asked, puzzled. 

That had been the story I had heard from them all my life.






"No." Carlo replied simply, turning a sad gaze back on me. He seemed embarrassed. "I mean... yes, you were born in Punaouilo. But it wasn't there that Catherine and I met..." Carlo sighed heavily. Having been caught, he no longer wanted to deny anything. "We finally come to the hardest part of this story, Laurent." He made another pause, and I realized fear growing in me. "The part that no one ever told you. The part in which Catherine made ​​me an accomplice, forcing me to lie to you, along with her."













Davez Drew 1981 album

cover painting by Carlo D'Allegro



Author's note: having been imported from a former version of the story, some of the comments below are dated previous to this post. Once the plot has not been altered, just the pagination, I am keeping them since they are very dear and precious to me.